Your message has been received. Thank you.
　　It is difficult to understand your inquiry of 56mm 8ohm waterproof speaker which can handle 102db, because through our vast experience, it is almost impossible in technology. Can you supply us with your sample? If so, it would be big help to this project.
　　Hope we could work together.
　　Yours faithfully,
　　很顯然，這封郵件有很多缺點，首先語句呆板，嚴重的“生意腔”使郵件毫無生氣。句子長而亂，含義模糊。沒有提供足夠的資料來支持自己的論點。更糟糕的是，措辭冒昧，極不禮貌。針對這些不足，我們再來看一下另一個版本。
　　修改以后：
　　Dear Mr. Jones:
　　Thank you for your inquiry dated April 9.
　　Regarding the product you are looking for, currently our factory doesn't have the exact specification as you mentioned. We would appreciate it if you could supply us more details about the product you need, such as usage, product structure, material, working condition and so on. That will help us to see if we are able to meet your specifications.
　　Please take a moment to review some similar products in the enclosed catalog. They are all of high quality and have been exported to many countries worldwide.
　　Thanks again and we are looking forward to establishing a business relationship with your company in the near future.
　　Any of your early comments will be highly appreciated.
　　Best regards,
　　Chen Rong
　　Director, International Marketing
　　Zhejiang Golden Textiles
　　現在您覺得好多了吧!我們說過，即使這次不能滿足對方的需求，只要我們處理得當，還是可以保留住潛在合作的機會。有時候，信函的作用就是這么重要。